Thor's Mighty Hammer
by Lovelaced
Summary: Snotlout and the twins are trying to figure out a way to make Hiccup punch Eret. Humor fic.


"What is up with that?" Snotlout commented, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Ugh."

"You got to clue us in here, Snotty. We ain't mind-readers," Ruffnut said, shoving her brother aside as she sat down by the table in the Meade Hall.

"Wouldn't it be cool if we were though?" Tuffnut chimed in. "Imagine if _I_ could read everyone's mind, predict the future, every-"

"Ugh, will you two just shut up already! I'm talking about that!" Snotlout cut him off, pointing towards.. Hiccup and Eret.

They twins exchanged confused looks. "Huh?"

Hiccup suddenly dropped Inferno down on the ground by accident and Eret immediately ran forward to catch it.

"Here you go, Chief."

Hiccup smiled, scratching the back of his head bashfully. "Uh, thank you, Eret."

Ruffnut turned to Snotlout with a smirk. "So? Are you saying you are jealous, Snottykins?"

"No, of course not!" Snotlout spat. "Why on earth would you think that? Why would I be jealous.. I am not jealous!"

"Yeah, why would you be jealous? Eret is just so much more talented, braver and handsomer than you are. Did I forget something else?"

"Taller!" Ruffnut added. "He is so, so tall," she said dreamily.

Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Not that any of that is even remotely true, but don't you guys find it weird that this dude that tried to sell us off to Drago is now living with us, like one of us?"

"Not really," Tuffnut said. "Should we find it weird?"

"So what? He's changed, he is on our side now."

"Yep, full on Hooligan, almost more Hooligan than all of us put together."

Snotlout snorted. "He follows Hiccup around everywhere! And by that I mean, everywhere! Even into his house!"

"That is the deal with having a bodyguard, Snottykins."

"He is not Hiccup's bodyguard! Hiccup already got Toothless and Astrid for that. Speaking of Astrid, do you see how he looks at her?"

"No, not really, you will have to enlighten us here, Snotlout the enlightened," Tuffnut said in a bored voice.

Snotlout huffed. "He wants her. I know it."

Ruffnut threw her head back with laughter. "Wow. I think you have had a little too many, Snotlout. Eret is not you, okay? He is a gentleman. He respects Astrid."

"What is that supposed to mean? I respect Astrid!"

"Sure."

"It's true!"

"Uh-huh."

Snotlout slammed his fist on the table. "I'm just a little concerned about this newcomer, alright? Hiccup is my family and by extension, so is Astrid. The last thing I want is for someone to hurt them in any way!"

Ruffnut and Tuffnut looked flabbergasted. "Woah.. who are you and what have you done to Snotlout?"

Snotlout threw his hands up in air in hopeless. "I give up! There is no point in talking to you guys about anything. I'm outta here. Hookfang, get over here!"

Tuffnut and Ruffnut watched him fly off with intrigued expressions.

"Hey guys," Fishlegs interrupted, carrying a large book in his arms. "Have you seen Hiccup?"

"Why? What are you planning to do to our skinny twig-like leader?"

Fishlegs narrowed his eyes. "Nevermind, I'll just find him myself."

* * *

Snotlout was sitting outside fuming when Fishlegs collided into him. "Ugh, watch where you are going, Fishface!"

"Sorry!" Fishlegs spluttered out. "I didn't you see there, Snotlout."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny. I'm not in the mood for this."

Fishlegs regarded him carefully. "Hey, are you alright?"

Snotlout snorted. "I'm fine."

"No, he is not," Ruffnut chimed in coming up from behind. "He is jealous of Berk's hottest new hunk!"

Snotlout's nostrils flared. "I'm not! Okay, maybe I'm a little.. but don't you guys see what is happening here? He is replacing us, all of us!"

"Who is?" Fishlegs asked confused.

"Eret, duh. Wait, how is he replacing us? We are _irreplaceable_."

Snotlout sighed. "Are we though? We barely get any tasks done and we are always fooling around. He is obeyant and always listens to Hiccup. He might as well kiss the ground Hiccup and Astrid walk on. Why would they want us, now that they got him? Mr. Handyman, can-do-anything-man. What a show off!"

Fishlegs, Ruffnut and Tuffnut stayed mute for a moment.

Fishlegs sighed, "I was supposed to join Hiccup to inspect some Whispering Death holes yesterday but he wanted to bring Eret with him instead," he confessed.

"See! I told you so! We are being replaced! It's only a matter of time before Hiccup even stops calling us his friends!"

"Aren't you being a little paranoid, Snotlout?" Fishlegs tried to reason. "I mean, he is new so Hiccup might want to show him around."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that, Fishface."

Ruff and Tuff nodded at one another. "Okay, say we believe you Snot.. what is the plan?"

"Wha- What do you mean _plan_?"

"To keep this hot stranger from stealing our spot, duh."

"Guys, I don't think-" Fishlegs attempted to intervene but Snotlout interrupted him.

"Hiccup is not going to understand. He is too nice, ugh. We need to shake up things between them."

"And how do you suggest we do that?"

Snotlout's scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I think I have an idea."

* * *

"Punch Eret? You want to make Hiccup punch him?" Ruffnut said in bewilderment. "But.. his face is too beautiful to be punched!"

"I don't know sis, I think if what Snotlout says is true, this Eret deserves a taste of _Thor's Mighty Hammer_."

Fishlegs sighed. "This is a bad plan. Hiccup would never punch Eret. Come on, this is Hiccup we are talking about!"

"Hmm, don't be so sure about," Tuffnut chimed in. "Did you forget that Hiccup killed whatshisname, _Calder_?"

"Only in self-defense! Besides, Eret is his friend!" Fishlegs argued. "This is stupid, you guys. Hiccup will see right through this, and if not Hiccup, Astrid sure will."

Snotlout looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, there's gotta be something that makes Hiccup angry.."

"You mean other than yourself?" Ruffnut interjected with a snort. "You are the first and only one to receive the Mighty Hammer after all."

"Only because I asked for it!" Snotlout snapped back. "Back on point.. We have to figure out a way to make Hiccup resent Eret, and there are certain Hiccup Haddock just doesn't tolerate, nice guy or not. He is still a man."

"Like?"

"Like.. being humiliated!"

"You want us to humiliate Hiccup? Sure, we can do that. We can pull down his pants during a meeting, or maybe-"

"No! The point is to make him mad at Eret, not at us!"

"Um-" Fishlegs lifted up a finger to say something but Snotlout didn't give him the chance. "Shut up, I need to think!"

Suddenly, Ruffnut and Tuffnut snapped their heads up and shared a knowing look. "Don't waste no more brainpower, Snottykins. Tuff and I just hatched the perfect plan."

Fishlegs sighed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Well, I'm definitely not sticking around to find out what that is so see you guys later."

* * *

 **AN: Will Snotlout & Co succeed in making Hiccup punch Eret? What is their plan? Hint: It involves a certain Night Fury! Should I continue?**

 **Btw, what is up with this MASSIVE overreaction to the HTTYD: THW Poster? It's just a frickin' poster, people need to calm the eff down. Reserve your judgement until you actually see the frickin' movie instead of getting pissed off on beforehand. Remember how bad the trailer for HTTYD was but the movie turned out to be amazing? Yeah, so just.. chill.**


End file.
